Introduction
We all know a leader in our lives who used anger to control their charges. I distinctly remember my eighth-grade geometry teacher and his tirades. He called us stupid; he slammed things on his desk; he demanded respect using intimidation, and more. Guess what? I barely made it through geometry and still hate the subject today!
In my professional career, I’ve seen this behavior more than I care to admit. Outright displays of anger ruined the careers of successful surgeons, CEOs, instructors, and my peers. Yet, in recent years the rise of the authentic leader gives credence to anger as a “human” behavior and a sign of “vulnerability.” While these statements are absolutely factual, managers who wield anger as a tool for controlling outcomes invariably fail.
Tribulation and the tempestuous tyrant
An article written by Maurice Schweitzer and Jeremy Yip from the Wharton School of Business of the University of Pennsylvania described two types of anger; incidental and integral
- Incidental anger: anger carried into an unrelated situation or event
- Integral anger: anger directly related to a situation or occurrence
When you experience an anger-triggering issue like problems at home, being cut off in traffic, or a rude customer, the emotions you experience are with you throughout your day. Have you arrived at work and told someone, “I’m so annoyed today! This idiot cut me off in traffic and….” ? After your 15-minute complaint diatribe, you might feel a little better, but you notice the emotion affects your interactions with the people around you. Maybe you snap at a team member or clap back at another department for not meeting your expectations. No matter the reason, this example of incidental anger affects everyone around you.
Unlike incidental anger, integral anger is a response directly related to the case at hand. For example, when a project fails, and the lead explodes into a rant due to bad news, the atmosphere of the meeting switches to one of fear and intimidation. The leader may continue to press the team for solutions to the issues; however, due to his or her emotional response, the team members cannot problem-solve or make decisions.
Displays of anger are directly related to:
- Inability to make decisions
- Poor decisions
- Marginalizing people and ideas
- Counteracting continuous improvement
- Belittling others
- Resentment and mistrust
- High turn-over rates
- Poor team attendance
- Financial and productivity losses
- Failure to recover or lack of resilience
Anger can destroy
Nearly ten years ago, I worked in the corporate healthcare payer space. Yes, my fellow nurses, I took a walk on the dark side, regrettably. Our department ensured that evidence-based medical guidelines were followed before insurance claims were paid to providers or facilities.
Under the guise of protecting the healthcare funds of our members, we used extremely difficult coding language to prevent top dollar payouts. Retrospectively, it was both honorable and despicable work. Honorable in preventing quacks from getting rich off of the sick and infirmed, and despicable in preventing good providers from making the money necessary to run their practices. I both loved and hated that job.
I reported to a vice president, a medical doctor (MD) with incredible smarts and a temper that was equally as horrible. During meetings, the MD yelled, cursed, slammed things on the desk, belittled others, demanded high levels of devotion, and insighted so much fear most team members sat too terrified to speak.
During my short tenure, the department, as a whole, had great financial outcomes; however, because of our reputation, we had little to no cooperation from other departments in our organization. Interdepartmental projects stalled or failed; outside vendors refused to help due to the hostile environment. Two nurses had heart attacks due to stress. It was an awful time.
Slowly, the tides began to change, and our nefarious leader “decided” it was time to leave the organization. At first, the relief at the MD’s departure was great! However, we realized our habit of using anger as a tool damaged our reputations and our department so much that none of us survived long afterward. In less than a year, the department was down to half the size, and in the subsequent year, split up and moved to smaller departments under less polarizing leaders.
All of the hard work, the financial success, the evidence-based research, and the writing were for naught. Anger destroyed our department and, for a time, my career.
Stop It! Control your behavior
It is impossible to avoid the emotion of anger. In fact, if you attempt to avoid, bury, or deny anger, you risk behaving in ways as equally destructive as if you’d lost your temper. Anger can be channeled differently and used as an authentic emotion to demonstrate your deep connection to your work.
But how do you accomplish this task? First, identify the behaviors you must STOP, such as:
- Yelling
- Physical displays of strong emotion (throwing things, etc)
- Cursing, threatening, or belittling
- Insighting fear
- Placing or channeling blame
- Excusing your behavior as authentic or your right to be angry
Try this instead
According to “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There” by Marshall Goldsmith, the most successful leaders allow themselves to experience anger, however, they control their behaviors when responding to the emotion. Another leadership author, Daniel Goleman, in his book “Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ,” states that controlling your anger gives you a “sense of self-mastery.”
Here are some great “try this instead” suggestions from contemporary leadership authors.
- Practice self-awareness and mindfulness
- Allow yourself to experience anger and choose the appropriate time and place for your visceral response (Goldsmith, 2008; Goleman, 2005)
- Adjust behavior based on the responses of those around you
- Pause and consider the perspective of others
- Measure the weight of your anger and respond appropriately
- Remove yourself from the situation
- Take a break or a walk
- Use deep breathing exercises
- Stop the meeting and reconvene when cooler heads prevail
Conclusion
Anger is a natural human emotion and one we all experience regularly. However, anger used as a tool to manage teams is career suicide. I urge you to look at yourself as a leader. Have you ever found yourself behaving in these ways? The good news is you can Stop It and recover your career and your reputation.
What do you think? Do you struggle with anger? Share your story to help others on their journey. Email us at [email protected] to join the discussion.
For a free Professional Development Consulting Services consultation about self-awareness, mindfulness, or other concerns, visit NurseWritersGroup.com/contact-us and send a note!
Disclaimer: This blog represents the views, thoughts, and opinions of the author and not those of any other person, organization, or entity.
References
Anger at Work: How Negative Emotions Cloud Judgment—Knowledge at Wharton. (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/impacts-of-being-angry-at-work/
Anger Makes You Stupid | Achieve Balance Dr. Kate Walker. (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://www.achievebalance.org/blog/2021/10/15/anger-makes-you-stupid/
Anger Management in Leadership—How Important Exactly Are Emotions Kept in Place? | by Ivan Popov | ILLUMINATION | Medium. (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://medium.com/illumination/anger-management-in-leadership-how-important-exactly-are-emotions-kept-in-place-dff3e18462a
Daniel Goleman. Emotional Intelligence. Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. New York, NY: Bantam Dell, 2005.
How Anger Derails Team Decision Making And 5 Ways To Fix It. (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/eriklarson/2017/02/07/outrage-overload-why-angry-teams-make-bad-decisions-what-to-do-about-it/?sh=626fe5606ff5
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Leadership by Temper Tantrum—Placers. (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://myplacers.com/leadership-by-temper-tantrum/
Losing your temper and your perspective: Anger reduces perspective-taking—ScienceDirect. (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0749597816308172
Managing Anger, Frustration, and Resentment on Your Team. (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://hbr.org/2022/02/managing-anger-frustration-and-resentment-on-your-team
Marshall Goldsmith. (2008). What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. Profile Books Ltd.
The Damage From Leaders Who Are Driven By Emotion—Phil Cooke. (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://www.philcooke.com/the-damage-from-leaders-who-are-driven-by-emotion/
When Leadership “Fails” → Anger “Prevails”…! (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/when-leadership-fails-anger-prevails-mohamed-elsirsy/
Why Anger Is Stupid | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201911/why-anger-is-stupid
Why the Best Leaders Sometimes Get Mad (and Show It)—Government Executive. (n.d.). Retrieved December 17, 2023, from https://www.govexec.com/management/2015/11/why-best-leaders-sometimes-get-mad-and-show-it/123612/
